I'll have my real Secret Geek Sunday post up later, but since this is something that just happened, I'll go into it now.
Ok, so I'm poly. I know that not everyone is. I also know that within poly relationships, there's all sorts of levels of agreement and you have to abide by those rules.
Pretty much, my specific rules with my fiance are such- not to be stupid. Use protection and good judgement in partners. There's an additional rule of having to use condoms for going down on a guy (one that I don't particularly like, but it makes my fiance more comfortable and that's something I'll agree to- it's better than not being able to go down on a guy at all).
Those are the rules set in stone, but I additionally will do things like make sure that he's comfortable with my choices and get his imput.
But part of the general rules for all people with poly tendancies and relationships I think is that you communicate with your primary partner and all potential partners in a clear and honest manner.
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I don't think I'd get in any argurments over that one, right?
So, I tell my potential partners and hookups things like the condom for fellatio requirement very early on. Granted that sometimes happen after some play has started already started, but I let them know before they're expecting my lips around their cock.
Now, I would expect the same thing of potential lovers and hookups... right?
Well, not always.
i was getting comfortable with someone. He has great hands and a neck rub earlier lead to some promising things, like my nipples getting pinched just that little bit. My cold wasn't interferring and his hands (and the nip or two with his mouth and the tweaks on my nipples) just felt really good.
I didn't ask if he was in a relationship that was ok with this model- mainly because he just moved here from another state and I hadn't heard a word about a girlfriend/fiance/wife. He is staying with friends. My own fiance is at an event over an hour away and hadn't left yet.
So, we fool around a little bit. He has Dom tendencies and figured out a couple of my buttons.
Did I mention he has great hands?
So I get to the point where I need to stop for a couple of minutes when one of my friends comes through, seeing my flushed face and knowing the look I have when I've been worn a little bit out with orgasms, and mentions the fact that the guy on the couch with me doesn't have permission to play.
At all.
Know how fast it takes from going pleasantly worn out from being with a sex partner that has some clues to being *really* pissed off?
I do now.
He might be a good guy overall, but gods, I really don't like what he's done.
3 comments:
Good post, especially about the communication. I need to tell my wife of things I want to try with her, but lack the courage. Doesn't help that she doesn't seem to have a libido anymore.
My man and I have many years of poly experience, and agree that communication is key. Fortunately, we enjoy each other's tales of love with third parties, and they tend to spice up our sessions. (Of course, on occasions that are too rare the third person consents to getting it on with both of us in real life, which is even better!)
Like you, I presume that if someone initiates play with me, he/she is not violating a promise made to one or more other lovers. After all, I make no pretense of being the mommy or moral guardian for that person. But I think it would make me angry if I found out my new lover had been dishonest about that or anything else he/she has told me.
I wish more interesting and attractive people could be freer in giving and receiving physical love. We're not there yet as a society. But I'm glad you are!
Killdare- soemtimes, it's just as simple as asking. One of the things that I love is being bitten, but with one of my lovers it took 20 minutes for me to ask him to do it the first time.
*hugs* I also know it's not as easy as that.
Cherrie- Pretty much, that was my presumtion. But unfortunately, this is not first time it's happened- at least the first one told me himself!
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