One of my lovers just found another lover for himself. Which is great. I've met her before and she's nice, sexy, intelligent, and it could be a very good relationship.
So why is it that when he told me this morning, while I *know* it changes nothing about how he thinks/feels about me, I had to ask him if he still wanted me.
Because part of my brain started whispering, "Oh she's prettier than you and she's new and he's known you for years, and now he's not going to have any time for you..." and all those little thoughts that drive me crazy.
At least I could just ask to get his answer (which was basically, "of course I still want you") instead of just trying to suppress the little whispers and having them boil underneath the surface.
In the asking, and getting the answer, I can shut up the fears.
Then I start feeling all silly and foolish for having the fears in the first place.
We've known each other for over 10 years. Our intimate and sexual relationship had ended well once, he went away, got married... ended up in a marriage that opened and our friendship re-developed into a new and sexual relationship again a couple of years ago.
Knowing this, then why in the world did I get that shot of fear when he told me that he had another lover, a feeling that didn't go away until I had to ask him if he still wanted me?
4 comments:
Jaenelle, we all get jealous and insecure sometimes. It’s great you just confronted it head-on.
I'm not so sure on jealous- unless this is a way that it manifests and I didn't know... I tend to think of jealousy with envy and hate and nastier sorts of feelings. this was just more beating my own self esteem down- a la insecurity.
Especially with this lover, I know I can just ask and get it out of the way. It keeps me more sane that way.
Jaenelle, when my man takes a new lover (a rare occurrence), it's expected for a little self-doubt to creep in. But I realize it's not that she's better than me, she's different from me, and he's just as entitled to sample the many tastes, smells and tactile sensations of humanity as I am.
And, since I enjoy women too, a new one in his life may open up a new opportunity in mine as well!
Cherrie- well, this lover and I are hoping to find a lady who's also intersted in ladies, and then also interested in at least playing a bit with me. And him at the same time.
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